Today, I began to think about how chaotic my life has been up until this point. I have kind of let life sweep me along like I was floating on a fierce, storming ocean. Never knowing if I would see through the next great wave. Then making it through, yet again, and wondering why and how. Always looking for something or someone to hold onto, only to see them swept under or swept away. Then once again being tossed and turned in the cold, dark waters alone.
It used to scare me as a child. I didn't want to be pulled under with no one around to care or to help. Just another nameless casualty in the sea of space-time, not relevant enough for the passing light of stars to take notice on its magnificent journey.
In the end we are only as real as the memories we have left behind, the imprints on the minds and hearts of others of their biased perceptions of who we were, or who they thought or wanted to believe we were. The memories...the emptiness of my brother's funeral. That broke my heart, knowing how few people cared to take notice of his passing. Was his life so inconsequential to others? They did not deserve to know him! They did not deserve the privilege to mark his passing! He was and is above them! That is what I told myself.
I began to care very little what the rest of the world cared about or held significant. What did they know? If they could not appreciate someone so exceptional as Sam, then I did not want to have anything to do with these soul-less zombies who feed off of society's trends and rules. All that matters is who you are sleeping with and how much crap you have or the arbitrary number of accounts, shares, credit lines, and alot of other meaningless numbers that really mean only as much as people decide that they mean.
Since then I have not wanted a part in this "humanity". I like being alone and I don't care for what I am supposed to wear this month no matter how hideous it is or what completely generic beat is popular or what youtube video has gone viral. What a useless existence that is! I am better off riding the wave alone in this dark storm than drowning in the crap the world would have me believe is important!
